The Determination Train

This blog was submitted by one of our clients. He is a GIPA volunteer blog writer. It’s his third blog entry and we wanted to thank him for sharing his story! For more information on the GIPA position available please check out http://www.aidscalgary.org/getinvolved/gipa.cfm

What does AIDS Calgary mean to me? Well I used to associate the word AIDS, like so many of you, with the word gay. I now know that it means much more than that. My life really began when I started a romantic rendezvous with AIDS Calgary, if you will. You have no idea how long it took me to look up rendezvous to spell it correctly. My uncle, who is an accomplished author, once told me “every great writer is a terrible speller”. True story!

My life was in complete and utter turmoil. Geeze, my life sounds like a bad B-movie, but I can assure you my life is top quality grade A-type movie style. To start I had taken on the responsibility of my sister's four children, ages 10 and under, plus my own daughter. I had neglected my health to take care of my family first. During the time of watching all those kids my grandmother was in a coma and was determined not to live much longer. During all of this going on a childhood friend had been ill with cancer. I was in love with her since 11th grade and we had both been too shy to express our feelings for one another. The lord took her from me at the early age of 32. After all of the stress of deaths and my own health deteriorating, I finally let my aunt and my mother take the responsibilities of the children. I had then gotten really ill and found out I had a prostate infection, in turn I had been hospitalized due to the infection. I don't even want to express the pain I had gone through. I finally made an attempt to deal with having HIV when I was told my HIV had turned to AIDS and my health was in serious jeopardy. I dealt with the news of my health the way most humans deal with hard news. Let's just say I did not use my brain. I took a more destructive method to my madness. I freaked out and I bailed one fateful night in someone else's car. I think the cop used the words “took the car without permission”. Let's be real people, you and I both know that; that is just a glorified way of saying I stole it - plain and simple. On the third day of my destructive path, I was pulled over and arrested. So now I was in trouble with the law, a place my ass had never been before. At around the same time I was to have my court date I had a gallbladder attack and I had to get my gallbladder removed. I did not make my court date. I guess it was because I was afraid and also because I had to have surgery done. Now my past is catching up with me. I am now being charged with the car thing and failure to appear; I have never been so frightened, but I will deal with it as it comes.

You may ask what all this has to do with anything I had talked to you before about, but I can assure you I have a point. Just when I thought life couldn't have been more horrid, I had now seriously considered taking my own life. But, there were two people and one place that saved my life from destitution.

First, my daughter; I could not have turned my life around if it wasn't for her positive and beautiful attitude towards life. Just seeing her smile makes it all better in my opinion. Second, one particular counselor, and the third was AIDS Calgary itself. The minute I started seeing AIDS Calgary my life had changed for the better.

Let me explain something to the lot of you, oh sorry got a little carried away there I am watching Harry Potter and I got caught up in the moment. I've had HIV for 12 years but I have only recently had come to terms with my health. But then when I thought my life was in destitute there was this one particular counselor that stepped in and said “let me help you”. The counselor and I had come up with a form of motivation that seems to work for myself - "The determination train". I am on board pulling that magnificent whistle right up front screaming "I'm the king of the world." Ok, a little dramatic. Don't get me wrong, that beautiful train... let's call it the Polar Express, has been derailed a few times. But with the overpowering positive attitude, and the witty sense of humour of that one counselor, I would have never seen the light so to speak, or the way. I climbed back on that train and pulled that whistle until it had almost come out of its socket.

All the wonderfully well organized activities I have had the privilege to have been involved with, such activities as every second Friday lunches (where I have met some of the most fascinating and extraordinary people), and the small but highly enjoyable writing group. For all the years I have grown up in Calgary I finally got to see The Glenbow Museum. Seeing the Philharmonic for the first time was the perfect ending to my tragic year. To top it all off, this one particular counselor had helped me get my taxes done. Who knew!? I had mentioned that there was going to be a new penguin exhibit at the Calgary Zoo and penguins are my favorite of animals, fascinating creatures they are. Anyhow, I was handed four passes to go see the penguins at the Calgary Zoo. Hmm, maybe I will stay and live with the penguins, they live such simple lives. Nah, I am only joking with you. My mind sometimes gets off track - there's a lot rattling around in my brain sometimes. There is one more thing, blogging. I would never have done it if it were not for AIDS Calgary. If it were not for AIDS Calgary I would not have started pursuing my dream of becoming a writer. I cannot believe I am going to tell all of you this, but my dream that I am going to pursue is to become a romantic comedy novelist. There. I said it. Are you all happy now!? I am a sucker for those romantic comedies. When you read or watch a romantic comedy you always feel better about things, like you are at peace with the world.

Now that I have bored you with the gory details of my A-style movie life, I would like say one more thing. One more thing I have to get off my chest. One last thing to explain how I feel about AIDS Calgary saving my life - Thank you!