Day 0 - Fear

ACAA had the opportunity to share a fantastic video from one of our volunteers. The video detailed his own personal story of being a young gay man living with HIV and the stigma he faces regarding online disclosure. http://aidscalgary.blogspot.ca/2012/01/lets-talk-about-online-disclosure.html We are very proud of this individual for sharing his story. He is back with a new video regarding his new treatment regimen.

The views and opinions expressed in this video are soley those of the original authors and other contributors. These views and opinions do not necessarily represent those of AIDS Calgary Awareness Association, the staff, and/or any/all contributors to this site. For more info on our GIPA program, please visit: http://www.aidscalgary.org/getinvolved/gipa.cfm

50/50 @ Fifty! “A reflection on living half my lifetime HIV positive”

Part two: Resilience and recovery
To read Part One, please click here: http://aidscalgary.blogspot.ca/2012/01/5050-fifty-reflection-on-living-half-my.html

The seasons were changing from summer into autumn (my favourite season) and I was accepting the things that were continuing to affect my overall health. I did my best to remain positive however deteriorating health and energy made it increasingly difficult.

I was alone at home on the couch when an old friend came by to see how I was doing. I was angry at him for stopping by without calling first because I did not want people to see how sick I was and was fearful of gossip and having other unwanted visitors. My friend’s response to my anger was so profound they remain with me to this day. He said “You are not a quitter, you are not dead, now stop this ‘pity me’ show and get your freaking act together and fight back.” He was out the door and driving away before I got off the couch to challenge his remarks. How dare he say that to me, but he was bang on. I was not a quitter and I had to stop feeling sorry for myself, but how?

A week later I heard from the clinic telling me a new medication (Protease Inhibitors) was coming to trial and asked if I would consider taking part. I said yes, I mean what was there to lose now? I went for the blood work but failed to make the criteria for the trial and was disappointed knowing others better matched the criteria for the study. I carried on even though I was disappointed and frustrated to know there was something out there that I could not access. Two weeks later another call came from the clinic telling me there were spots now open for the trial. More blood work, another visit to the clinic and I was soon enlisted in my second clinical trial for a new treatment option. My pill count per day would reach an all-time high of 36 pills a day and include seven different medications. Some for HIV and some to treat and prevent the opportunistic infections I was at risk for or already dealing with. I started taking my new medication and found new hope and optimism for my health.

The new treatment came with some minor side effects, mostly bloating and nausea but these were nothing new; just a bit more intrusive than before. My response to the new treatment was incredibly positive and within two months my health, CD4 count, and weight all saw huge improvements. I was eating three meals a day, my energy and ability to do things for myself returned and my weight had gone from 96 lbs. to a whopping 176 lbs., the most I would ever weigh.

I called my mom, who did not believe me due to past secrets and said she would believe it when she saw it for herself. Even confirmation calls from my dad could not sway her.

The doctors and nurses were thrilled with the results they were seeing and noted that many other people in the study were seeing similar responses. Were Protease inhibitors really the “cure” everyone was daring to speak about? Sadly no, but they have saved many lives and allowed others to survive longer and healthier as a result while opening the door for greater research and development of new HIV medications and diagnostic tools. I would remain on this combination/cocktail for five years before resistance to the medications developed and a change was required.

I flew back to Ontario to be with my mom, brother and his family for the Christmas that was “supposed” to have been my last. I remember walking right past my mom in the airport without her recognizing me until I actually said “hello mom”. Her eyes started to mist and I said “let’s go before we have a scene in the airport”. She laughed and said “who cares!” We spent the month together before returning home and reveled in the honest smiles and hope in the eyes of my family. Things were okay.

I soon became bored without a job to fill my time and with my improved health I started to consider returning to work. Where do I begin and how do I explain my absence from the work force? I began slowly, first as a volunteer in my community centre, then as a volunteer with AIDS Calgary and some of the programs there. This led to employment with AIDS Calgary and soon found myself involved in HIV work that I had never considered doing. Heck, there was a time when you would not even get me through the doors of AIDS Calgary because of the fear of being identified by others. It was through this volunteering and meeting other people with HIV that I learned to let this fear go and just be me.

I became more involved in HIV advocacy, joined the SHARP Foundation Board of Directors and became a part of HIV Peer Support to help others dealing with HIV challenges and concerns. I went to my first AIDS conference and soon found myself infused with a desire and energy to make changes for the better for others living with HIV and AIDS. People were still passing away on a regular basis, unable to respond or tolerate the new medications now available. They did not work for everyone; and some of the side effects were very difficult to tolerate.

I moved into a new place with an old friend and her partner, both artists, and began to thrive in this new energy and living environment. My friendship with my ex-partner began to grow in a new and positive way as I began living again. I considered dating but was afraid of disclosing my status every time someone wanted to be with me. I decided only dating positive people would be best and to never date anyone who was not. In reality, of all those I dated, only two people were positive and my current partner is negative. I learned that many gay men were not afraid to be with someone positive. I began dating and enjoying a sexual life without so much fear.

I soon found employment that would supplement my AISH income and allow me to live a little more comfortably at the same time. I also volunteered when I could as it made me feel better about myself and that in turn lead to a healthier sense of being. I was happy, single and grew stronger learning more about myself, the person I wanted to be and what I wanted to do with my life and time. This is where my advocacy on behalf of other people living with HIV and AIDS work began and continues to this day. I was happy, life was good, no more secrets from friends and family and my health continued to improve bit by bit.

After a few years of single life dating and figuring out who I was, what I wanted and needed, I met the man who would change my life again. He came into the bar I was working and we had a nice conversation. He was tall, handsome, charming and had the greatest smile (still does). Unfortunately he also had a boyfriend and off they went after a couple beers. Isn’t that the way; the good ones are always taken I thought to myself. A few months later and now single he came back to the bar and the rest as they say, is history.
We dated for about a year, agreeing that if we were serious we should take our time and make sure we were “real”. Surprisingly I found myself again in the situation of keeping my HIV status a secret as my partner was not comfortable sharing this information with his family. I knew it had the potential to blow up in our faces at some point in time as the experiences past came flooding forward. I agreed and kept it to ourselves; for some time.

A year after dating we decided to move in together along with a great roommate and starting having the life I thought I would never get the chance to have. I had met the man who would love and support me in the same way I did him and things were really good.

Things have been great being with him and our 10th anniversary was approaching. Like all relationships there have been challenges; the greatest challenge being when his family learned of my HIV status while watching the news. I did an interview about being a long term survivor and we did not think it would make it to a channel they would be watching. Needless to say there was a great deal of concern, fear and anxiety as a result of this disclosure to his parents, two of his brothers and some nephews had seen and recognized me.

I am happy to report after the initial chaos everything settled down once we had a chance to speak to them about what was going on and explain that their son was fine, as was I. Better yet, his parents had a family doctor that explained HIV and AIDS and really assisted in eliminating their fears and giving them the facts. They are a great family and I am grateful every day that they remain a part of our lives and family gatherings. I have been so fortunate to cross paths with such incredibly open and loving people through the years.

I enjoyed a great part time job for about six years that let me build up additional work skills while still leaving time to volunteer in HIV work. I was also coming to the end of a long term project and would have to consider changing my work environment; but not my employer. I liked the job, had great colleagues to work with, a supervisor and Team Lead who were aware of my health challenges and supported my needs with a flexible schedule or questions when needing time off. I wish every employer was as supportive, informed and had policies in place for HIV as a workplace disability in order to create supportive work environments that are stigma and discrimination free.

I was considering my current employment and the fact that I was growing restless with the same kind of work daily that had me start looking at other possible employment or training options. Did I really want to go through interviews, resume writing, answering questions and reviewing employer options again? It is hard to leave a job where they have been so supportive and accommodating but I was looking at leaving my AISH benefits program for full time employment; the time had come and I felt up to the challenge.

Then the job of jobs, or as some say the “dream job” comes along and parks itself on your desk. That is what happened when I received a job posting for a full time Gay and MSM outreach worker position at AIDS Calgary. A support worker had sent it to me asking if I would look at it and comment on the description for the position and to share it with anyone I thought I might be interested. The description for the position involved all the duties I was doing as a volunteer and with the deadline a week away; I pondered and struggled before deciding to apply. Full time work after nearly 15 years of only working part time was both scary and exhilarating. I was hired a week later and began my role with AIDS Calgary in May of 2010 and continue in that position today. No regrets about deciding to leave my disability and return to full time employment in a safe and supportive environment.

Things have changed a lot over the last 25 years. New medications and access to them, services and supports continue to grow and improve, policies and procedures are being developed to educate and inform society with a better understanding of HIV/AIDS and the impacts on our lives.

Sadly there are a number of things that have not changed; stigma and discrimination remain entrenched. Many still believe only gays, sex workers, injection drug users and other negative stereotypes are at risk for HIV. Many front line workers still deny services citing they are not equipped to deal with HIV patients remain in place including the very support and health services that are supposed to help us. The stories from people living with HIV about denied health care from professionals who should know better remain a fact for many looking for health and support services and tend to entrench vulnerability, ongoing stigmatization and isolation of people living with and/or at risk for HIV infection.

I want to end this on a positive note by telling you HIV is not a death sentence and that people who test positive today can look forward to years of living well and fulfilling their dreams. Twenty four years ago I was told I would not see 30 yet here I am leading up to 50 with no sign of slowing down soon. You can have a partner, spouse, lover, children and friends who can share in your life and happiness, it may not be easy, but life never is.

“For those who have battled HIV/AIDS and been taken from us, and to all who carry on their fight.”

Cheers

M.

Lets Talk About Online Disclosure

ACAA had the opportunity to share a fantastic video from one of our volunteers. The video details his own personal story of being a young gay man living with HIV and the stigma he faces regarding online disclosure. We are very proud of this individual for sharing his story. We hope you enjoy it!



The views and opinions expressed in this video are soley those of the original authors and other contributors. These views and opinions do not necessarily represent those of AIDS Calgary Awareness Association, the staff, and/or any/all contributors to this site.

50/50 @ Fifty! “A reflection on living half my lifetime HIV positive”

“A reflection on living half my lifetime HIV positive”
Part One: diagnosis to despair

Where to begin? I guess the beginning is always a good place to start. January 1st 1988 was starting out to be a good year; a fun party at the club with friends along with tequila shots and other recreational items of the time had me feeling good and dancing my ass off on the dance floor. I recognised the handsome young man cruising me from the sidelines while swaying on the speaker to the beat of the DJ sounds vibrating the floor. Eyes meet, cruising continues, drinks and conversation, along with arousal, eventually lead to my place and a great romp in the sack. A fun, quick, and hot one night stand was a great way to ring in the New Year.

I awoke the next morning; condoms unused by the nightstand and had a momentary panic attack about possible HIV transmission. I dismissed this as overreacting at the time because like many, I felt I could recognise people who were HIV positive. Besides, wouldn’t someone who was positive tell you and take the steps to protect others? Oh so naïve - I was 25 and just coming out into the gay community. But hey, everyone who had HIV or AIDS looked sick right? I mean the newspapers, news broadcasters, clubs and hospitals all had visibly ill people we knew or suspected of being positive. “They had the look”.

Mid February saw Calgary hosting the Winter Olympic Games and the city was a flurry of activities, volunteer events, athlete competitions, parties, and seemingly endless fun and excitement throughout. There was also a warm and extended Chinook that melted half the downhill race tracks and a nasty influenza leaving many incredibly ill. This was the main reason I paid no mind when I felt like I had contracted this flu. In fact, sero-conversion was happening to my immune system.

One October day I awoke to find one eyelid not able to open fully and my vision blurred as a result. I thought it was an allergy or something and let it go a day or two before eventually heading to see my doctor. He was concerned that an aneurism, blood clot or possible tumour may be the cause and quickly had me into the Foothills hospital for a series of tests before concluding nothing after 5 days. He then suggested an infectious disease specialist to me as no other explanation for my still unopened eyelid could be determined.

I then met Dr. Gill, an infectious disease specialist who asked me four very simple questions. Have you ever had a blood transfusion, have you ever shared needles with someone, have you had unprotected sex, and have you ever had sex with a man? I answered yes to two of the questions so he then asked if he could run an HIV antibody blood screen. You must specifically ask for and give permission for an HIV test to be conducted; even to this day it is not part of regular STI testing and must be specifically asked for by you.

The first week in November I got a call from the doctor’s office telling me my results were in and if I would be able to come in the next day. I asked if I could just get them over the phone and was told that they do not provide results over the phone. I agreed to come in the next day for the results. The drive to the office had me distracted, my mind racing with what if it is positive? Could one time not using a condom have been a grave mistake? Who do I tell and turn to? Stop that craziness; “what are the odds” was my final thought before stepping into the office.

Gill came in, file in hand and sat across the table from me with a bit of a smile on his face. Whew that must mean good news I thought. He looked at me and said “your test has come back positive”. Great I thought “positive means good right?” It did not; and he said it meant I had tested positive for the HIV antibodies and was HIV positive. He kept talking but I heard nothing until he asked “do you have any questions”? I asked how long, he replied “Three years likely, and five years if you are very lucky”.

There were no medications, no options for treatment. You just came in for regular blood work and monitoring until HIV ran its course to the inevitable conclusion of early death. I do not recall the drive home to this day. Shell-shocked and stunned, I informed my roommates when they asked as I came in the door. I then locked myself away for a couple days to ponder my diagnosis and began to face the losses I would experience on my journey living HIV positive. It was the start of years keeping my diagnosis a “secret” from family, friends, and colleagues within an isolated lonely existence; waiting.

Within a year of my diagnosis a medication to treat HIV became available and was considered an effective treatment for HIV infection. It was offered at my next appointment and I agreed to give this new medication a try; I mean, what did I have to lose?

The medication, AZT, was the first of many to follow in a class of medication that would change the way people lived with and were treated for HIV infection. The side effects proved overwhelming for me and I discontinued treatment. Nausea, trots, dizziness, appetite loss, fatigue, mood swings, and other side effects left me incredibly sick whereas before the medications I felt fine. I did not go back to the clinic until a health issue forced me back two years later.

At the time I had a great job, life was good, and I grew accustomed to living without a partner because I was HIV positive and knew I would never date anyone who was positive. I chose to focus on what was in my control; my job and health. I gave up dreams of owning a business, buying a home and any chance of a life with someone to love and love me. This was the reality of being positive in the 80’s, loneliness, isolation, depression, and anxiety by keeping a “secret” and hoping to never get sick.

Then I met him; the one who changed my world and had me thinking I could have a relationship with someone. How did this happen? I swore to never let this happen because I would have to tell my “secret”. I decided he was worth it and we started to date. I also started to plan the moment to tell him my secret before we became more intimate. Sadly, someone else beat me to it.

A trusted friend felt he should share my HIV status with the best friend of the man I was seeing. This friend, informed the man I was seeing what he had heard before I got the courage to do it myself. I was confronted before I could disclose, it was unpleasant and as he left I felt now everyone will know and he will never come back. My world had imploded, there was nowhere to go. I was proven wrong after he spoke to mutual friends and did some research - he chose to give our relationship a try and we enjoyed a number of years together before our intimate relationship ended and our great friendship began.

1993 was a life changing year as a bout of shingles had me back to the clinic where I began. My first clinical trial proved incredibly effective at stemming the infection quickly with no side effects. It also resulted in a change from being considered HIV positive to now having an AIDS diagnosis. I lost weight, grew anxious and started to develop health issues that forced me onto multiple medications for HIV and opportunistic infections known to develop as people progressed through years of being positive. I became depressed and non-communicative with my partner falling into cocaine use to escape the fear, anxiety, and the health issues developing.

My “secret” was out and visible to those who knew me and I soon stopped going to places where people would recognise me and “the look”. Drug use, denial, and secrets led me in a downward spiral as medications failed and few new options existed. I would have to tell family members and others that I was sick and that HIV progression was destroying my body, immune system functions, and mental health. I had seen this road before remembering friends lost to AIDS and began plans for my funeral, made a living will, and non-resuscitation order should the end come sooner than later.

I recognised that I had to tell my family what was going on before I became too sick to control my actions and interactions with those close to me. I had to begin rebuilding a relationship with my father, now long broken and left to hang in the wind with no communication for years. I would have to tell my mother, brother, and his family the news and I had no idea where or how to begin.

My father was the first person I tried to tell as he was the closest relative to me and I had to identify someone to make the important decisions that may eventually have to be made. I made several attempts that summer only to bail every time. It was Thanksgiving weekend with dad and the family where the “secret” began to unfold while talking about my dentist, a specialist in HIV dental care. I had failed to remember my step mother worked for a dentist and soon she and a colleague noted the name sounded familiar. I panicked thinking “this is it, they will figure it out and I can’t let it happen with strangers in the room”. I managed to change the subject with my “secret” intact.

Days later I got a call from my step mother; she had connected the dots. My attempts at reconnecting to family, trips without a reason, severe weight loss, medications with huge names, and my visible anxiety had raised the alarm and she finally asked the question. “Do you have cancer?” I answered no and she replied, “Then you have AIDS?” I could only reply with a muted yes.

She said she had to go and speak to my father and would call back soon. I hung up and for the first time in years stood upright as the burden of my “secret” was finally out. I also felt it was the end of any chance to reconcile with my dad once he knew my condition. Once again I was proven wrong, the second of many times to come, and in a week they bought me a plane ticket to fly home and tell my mom and other family members.

I flew home to spend the weekend with my brother, his wife, and 6 month old daughter (My niece, who I thought I would never get to see). My brother had confronted me immediately once at his house about what was wrong with me - citing I looked like hell. I told him I would inform everyone on Saturday at dinner what was going on. My mom, her husband, and my grandma came over on Saturday for dinner. Before dinner was even ready mom cornered me alone and asked “Do you have cancer”? “No, I have AIDS”, I replied. We sat and cried on the kitchen floor a bit and soon everyone knew the details. Dinner was a bust I think as I cannot remember the rest of the evening.

It was on the plane home when I began thinking what do I do now that everyone knows?

My brother, his wife, and niece visited in early spring and I got to care for my niece while they went to Banff for the day. I was thrilled and exhausted by the end of the day. It was great knowing my brother and wife understood HIV transmission and that they were not afraid to let me care for my niece.

My mother followed with a visit in August when I was at my worst; very ill, depressed, and facing my mortality all while deciding what I was going to do next. My mom along with my dad and his wife met with my doctors who informed them it was likely my last Christmas and to make plans if they wanted to do something special. It was the end of summer 1994 and I had already survived past the five year prediction given to me years earlier. My mom flew back at the end of August with me barely able to get off the couch, not eating, and weighing 98 lbs. The plans for my final Christmas with family began as I started making my final estate plans.

I could not walk a block, rake the lawn, walk my dog, or be left alone to do simple chores as black outs were happening and twice I woke up alone on the kitchen floor. Tensions were high; friends, family, and my partner were all in a heightened state of anxiety and unspoken fear of what was happening to us all. The emotion on their faces clearly visible through forced smiles as no one spoke a word about what was impacting us all. My intimate relationship with my partner had ended from the stress and challenges over the years and I stopped fighting for survival and began to accept the inevitable rapidly approaching.


I was at my mental and physical end. I had lost my ability to work and was forced to rely on an income of $800.00 a month from AISH while growing more accustomed to living with depression, daily illness, further weight loss, and the reality that my days were numbered and it was only a matter of time before the end was here. My journey’s end was on the horizon and there were things I had to do before I was gone.
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Part two: Resilience and recovery (Coming soon..)

How does safety make you sexy? AIDS Calgary Awareness Association’s new gay men’ s social marketing campaign

In December 2010, AIDS Calgary Awareness Association began the process of developing a gay men’s social marketing campaign. Gay men still make up approximately 35% of new HIV infections in Alberta(1), our agency recognizes we have a responsibility to ensure that gay men understand how to prevent contracting HIV and that addressing HIV related issues remain amongst some of our top priorities.

The process

We started our campaign process by engaging a University Without Walls student to conduct a literature review. Before beginning the creation of our campaign we reviewed research regarding social marketing best practices for gay men in North America. Once the report was compiled with recommendations, we assembled an advisory committee. It is very important to our agency that our work is informed by the community. It was imperative to this project to ensure we heard the voices of the gay men in our community in order to create a successful campaign that truly speaks to gay men.

Our advisory committee consisted of members of the gay community and staff of AIDS Calgary. This committee helped to guide our campaign process. Following the literature review recommendations, we created a survey centered on what kind of safer sex messaging gay men would most connect to. Our survey had an overwhelming response from over 190 participants, with responses from gay men age ranged from 15 – 69. The majority of respondents said the most important message to convey was the use of safer sex materials, and the use of male models vs. real people were almost tied for responses.

Based on the information we received from the survey we then came up with design concepts with an external graphic designer, and tested the prototypes where members of the gay community provided us with constructive feedback. Both focus groups provided diverse feedback as the participants, much like our survey, ranged in age and background. After compiling all of our data from the literary review, community survey and our focus groups, we were able to create our campaign.

The launch

As the Calgary Pride week begins today (September 1st – 11th) we have reached the final stage of our campaign development; the launch. AIDS Calgary is excited to announce the final launch of our gay men’s social marketing campaign. “How does safety make you sexy?” features three different sexy-safety tips derived from the community based research and literary review. Members of the gay community were recruited to model for the campaign for a more down to earth look. The excellent material we received from our surveys and our focus group lead us to believe that there was a lot to say around safer sex practices in the gay men’s community. So we’d like to keep the conversation open by asking the community what are your “sexy-safety” tips? We’ve created a blog at http://sexysafety.wordpress.com/ where we’d like to hear how you make safety sexy, share your insight with your community!

AIDS Calgary would like to thank all of our survey and focus group participants. We would also like to extend a special thanks to our committee for working so passionately and diligently on such an important project.

References

1. HIV and AIDS in Canada: Surveillance Report to December 31, 2009, Public Health Agency of Canada (2010), http://www.phac-aspc.gc.ca/aids-sida/publication/survreport/2009/dec/pdf/2009-Report-Rapport.pdf

"It's never just HIV": Thoughts on the controversial NYC Health Department's Public Service Announcement

People are talking! There have been controversial discussions about the new public service announcement (PSA) “It’s Never Just HIV”(click here to watch).

This PSA was released by the New York City Health Department to target gay men with the goal of increasing condom use. It features graphic images depicting what health conditions could be developed as a result of living with HIV.

The New York City Health Department has evoked a lot of emotionally charged opinions through this PSA, which are divided by those who agree with the graphic message and those who strongly oppose it. Those who are for the PSA’s messaging style feel that it is an effective educational tool as it strongly promotes prevention. Many believe an HIV PSA message should be in your face, as HIV is a serious disease. Some long term survivors and individuals who lost friends to the virus in the early days, believe that younger generations are not scared of contracting HIV anymore, that the fear of contraction has been lost. Advocates for this PSA also believe that indulging the perception that HIV is easily manageable needs to be examined, because living with HIV and taking medications is not really that easy at all.

Other arguments which defend this PSA believe that scare tactics and fear based messaging actually helped to change behaviors in the 80’s so why wouldn’t it work now? In their opinion, people should take HIV seriously, as seriously as presented in this PSA.

The opposing argument to the messaging strategy around “It’s Never Just HIV”, feel this ad is stigmatizing and demonizing. They believe the PSA singles out gay men and increases feelings of guilt and shame towards being gay and/or engaging in anal sex. There has been much discussion around the idea that effective prevention messaging should not engage in fear mongering, but instead go beyond condom use; there are much larger behavioral and societal issues that should be addressed when the dealing with why some individuals won’t use condoms. This group also believes the PSA creates a false sense of what it is actually like for people who are living with HIV and are able to live long, healthy lives. Those who oppose the harsh images and tone of the PSA also argue the ad will deter people from getting tested and could deter people living with HIV from taking their medications for fear of stigma and discrimination.

As an AIDS Service Organization who is engaged in prevention and support work, we at AIDS Calgary recognize there is a fine line of how to present certain messaging and engage our audience. It is important that people who are HIV negative understand the realities of living with HIV and how serious the effects of HIV are. On the other hand, it is important to promote that HIV has changed, it is no longer a death sentence and if you are living with HIV or newly diagnosed, there is every opportunity to live a full and healthy life.

This is a controversial subject and as a whole we’ve yet to figure out how to ensure both of these messages are being communicated and heard.

We’d love to hear from you! What do you think of the ad? Will the message work and promote condom use?

Sources:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d0ANiu3YdJg

This blog article was written by our Community Strategies Team Leader.

Great Opportunities and Community Strength

My role as AIDS Calgary’s HIV Education and Awareness Today (HEAT) outreach worker, has afforded me many great opportunities to connect with other Gay, MSM and Trans men outreach workers from across the country. For example, most recently HEAT was recognized on a national level and I was invited to participate in two National Advisory Groups (NAG). The role I have accepted will involve the development of a survey which will be distributed to Gay, MSM, and Trans men across the country. Unfortunately, due to my overwhelming schedule I couldn’t accept both roles, so I was able to connect my Edmonton counter part with this opportunity instead. With the participation of representatives from both Calgary and Edmonton, Alberta is a well represented voice to both NAGs looking at Gay, MSM and Trans Men’s issues on a national level. The participation in both of these NAGs also allowed my Albertan counterpart and I the opportunity to attend the Gay Men’s Health Summit presented by the Gay Men’s Sexual Health Alliance and partner organizations.

This conference was a great opportunity to network with other Gay, MSM, and Trans men’s community outreach workers and organizations, and also provided a platform for educational resources. A few workshops that I was able to participate in were: “Integrating Trans Men into HIV prevention”, “Closets, Companions, Challenges: Seniors, Sex and Sexuality” and “Community Engagement through New, Mobile & Social Media”.

All of these workshops were allowed for dynamic discussion and interesting perspective. My personal favorite being the “Community Engagement through New, Mobile & Social Media”, where we learned about the iPhone application developed for accessing various health services in Toronto and Montreal, and eventually to be launched in Vancouver.

The remainder of the conference included subject specific presentations from individuals and organizations. These presentations were followed by an expert panel discussion and break out groups which focused on challenges and answer questions. Each presentation wrapped up with an open floor question period for participants to further explore the issues and discussions that evolved from the session.

Some of these presentations looked at very specific topics such as the “Gay Agenda Revealed”, “Challenges from the Bathhouse”, “Black and Queer: Contradictions and Paradoxes in Gay Men’s Culture”, “Masculinity and Queer Identities” and “Syndemics, Resilience and Gay Men’s Health”. These presentations looked at the past, current and future challenges, stigmas and lack of services in Gay, MSM and Trans Men’s health.

I left this conference exhausted and at the same time incredibly empowered and connected to other great Gay, MSM, Trans men’s organizations and service providers from across Canada and US. Although I feel Gay, MSM and Trans Men are still challenged by many stigmas (societal and self imposed) within our country, conferences like this one highlight that there are incredible programs in place and future programs in development that support and strengthen our community. This strength will allow us to start addressing Gay, MSM and Trans Men’s health for all that it is; the heart, mind, body and soul and not just the area between our knees and belly button.

This article was submitted by the AIDS Calgary HEAT Program Coordinator. HEAT (HIV Education and Awareness Today) is a program designed to address HIV/STI education, awareness and prevention in the gay men/MSM community.

The fight is still on

Recently released 2009 Alberta HIV statistics show the reversal of a five-year trend. Rates of new HIV infections declined from the previous year. New infections decreased from 232 in 2008 to 219 in 2009, a decrease of 6%. Nationally, new infections declined by 8% in the same time frame.

When new stats are released, the numbers will inevitably contain both good and bad news. Seeing a decline, even a small decline, is always good news for those in the field of HIV prevention. Every possible new infection that can be avoided is a success.

In addition to the decline of total new infections, another piece of good news for Alberta in 2009 is that new infections attributed to IDU (injection drug use) have been steadily declining since 2000, a credit to successful harm reduction-based needle exchange programs.

The bad news is the groups that are hit especially hard by HIV. It might surprise you to learn that in Alberta, heterosexual sex is the method of transmission for nearly half of all new HIV infections. In 2009, heterosexual sex accounted for 46.8% of new infections. The majority of those impacted by heterosexual transmission are women (particularly women from Aboriginal populations or countries where HIV is considered endemic).

The MSM (men who have sex with men) population also continues to be over-represented, accounting for 34.5% of all new infections in 2009. For men, MSM continues to be the exposure category that accounts for the most new infections, 50% of all new infections in men in 2009. The total number of men contracting HIV in the MSM exposure category increased by 10% from 2008 (68 to 75 new infections), and 40% from 2006 (53 to 75 new infections). Despite the decline in new infections, these numbers show us that the real numbers of MSM contracting HIV are still increasing.

So even with the decline in new infections, the fight is still on here in Alberta! AIDS Calgary has made a few changes over the past year to better address the spread of HIV in certain communities. Our HEAT program (which is specific to gay men/MSM) has been bumped up to a full-time program. HEAT outreach is happening on a weekly basis: online, through social media sites and live at a bar near you! We have also launched our African Communities Project to start working with those African communities in Calgary that are most in need of our education, prevention and support services.

We also know one of the best ways to address the spread of HIV is through testing. Evidence shows that early detection can reduce the risk of transmitting HIV to others. The number of HIV tests in Alberta has been increasing since 2005 but there is still work to be done to make testing a more routine part of medical care for all Albertans.

A focus on promoting testing and reaching out to those populations that are experiencing high rates of new infections will continue to be priority items for AIDS Calgary in 2011.

Gay Men’s Health Summit about more than just sex!

In November 2010 I attended the 6th Gay Men’s Health Summit in Vancouver to meet and engage with front line workers, researchers and men living with HIV. We took the opportunity to learn, share and discuss the ongoing challenges and successes that have happened in the gay men/MSM health movement.

The summit, like many other conferences, discussed the challenges connected to stigma and discrimination towards HIV positive gay men/MSM. Despite this, the overall feeling I came away with was one of positive progression in many areas of gay men/MSM health and well being.

Some of the positive aspects presented and discussed were that many gay men/MSM are aware of HIV and other STI’s. These men are taking the necessary steps to discuss HIV and STI’s with potential partners, making better informed choices around safer sex practices, and incorporating a variety of safer sex prevention strategies to benefit their own personal health and well being.

The summit provided a safe venue to speak honestly about the realities of being a gay man or MSM in a world trying to prevent HIV and STI infections within that specific population.

At the end of the summit I left feeling better about gay men/MSM sexual choices and practices than I thought I would. It was encouraging to see the good, effective safer sex options these men are embracing and implementing into their lives.

There is still a great deal of work to be done as HIV and STI’s continue to occur across the country within the gay men/MSM population. Gaps remain regarding gay men/MSM appropriate front line workers and services.

My biggest conference finding was the understanding and acknowledgment that the future of gay men/MSM health care services must be about more that just sex. It must include all aspects of healthy living including mental, physical, spiritual and emotional. It should incorporate supports and services that are peer based and driven to continue a positive momentum and reduction in HIV and STI transmission in the gay men/MSM community.

This article was submitted by the AIDS Calgary HEAT Program Coordinator. HEAT (HIV Education and Awareness Today) is a program designed to address HIV/STI education, awareness and prevention in the gay men/MSM community.

Recent medical breakthroughs in the fight against HIV/AIDS

Results from the iPrEx clinical trial showed significant risk reduction of contracting HIV when participants used Truvada as a form of PrEP.

Who is doing the research?
The study is sponsored by the National Institute of Health (US) and has a number of international collaborators. Participants have been recruited from the United States, Thailand, South Africa and South America.

What is PrEP?
Pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) is an HIV prevention method currently being explored in multiple studies. PrEP involves an HIV-negative individual taking antiretroviral drugs to reduce their risk of contracting HIV. PrEP can be taken in multiple forms including pills, topical gels or injections.

What is Truvada?
Truvada is an anti-HIV drug that combines two anti-HIV medications into one pill.

What is the iPrEx study?
iPrEx is an international study aimed at determining whether using Truvada can help prevent HIV acquisition in HIV-negative people. The study is looking specifically at MSM (men who have sex with men) populations.

What are the positive results?
The most positive result of the study is that the daily use of Truvada reduced the risk of contracting HIV by 44%. The daily use of Truvada in this study was shown to be safe and to have minimal side effects.

What are the concerns?
PrEP is not a substitute for condoms and there is a concern that people may view it as such. To date, nothing has proven to be as effective in preventing the spread of HIV as correct and consistent condom usage.

There is also a concern that people using Truvada as a form of PrEP may develop drug resistances that could reduce treatment options should they become HIV-positive.

The cost of this form of PrEP, should it become available, could also pose a major concern. Relative to other forms of prevention (e.g. condom use), Truvada is very expensive. In the United States and Canada the necessary dosage of Truvada for HIV prevention would cost approximately $800/month.

It should also be noted that this study looked specifically at MSM with receptive anal sex being the possible mode of transmission. This study doesn’t provide any information about the effectiveness (or safety) of using Truvada to prevent HIV transmission through vaginal sex or injection drug use.

How long until this form of PrEP is commercially available?
The iPrEx study is still in the clinical stage trial. Several more years of clinical trials remain in the study. If the method is proven effective, even after clinical trials are complete it could take several years before this form of PrEP could be made readily available.


For more on this study:
Truvada for HIV prevention – some good news but caution still needed, CATIE
iPrEx study official website
Truvada official website

“Jack and Jack” and the importance of talking to your children

One evening while making dinner, I looked up to see my six-year-old daughter watching TV with a very confused expression.

"What's wrong, hun?" I asked. "That man on the TV just said he was going to marry that other man," she replied.

The program was an interview with two American men discussing their plans to wed out of state – gay marriage was not allowed in their home state. "How can they get married, Mom? Aren't they two boys?"

To be frank, the thought of having this conversation with my daughter terrified me. As open-minded and liberal as I am; in that moment I had no idea what to tell her. How do I explain homosexuality to her? Is she too young to understand? Should I just skirt the issue until she's older? Despite my uncertainty, I just told the truth.

"Well you see, honey, sometimes boys fall in love with other boys and they choose to get married; just as boys and girls do. Sometimes two girls will fall in love and get married, too. A marriage doesn't always have to be a boy and a girl; a marriage is all about loving the person you are with, boy or girl."

I stared at my daughter, frozen, bracing myself for her reaction. With her beautiful eyes wide, my little girl looked up at me and said, "Oh! Okay Mommy. Is it alright if I go play until dinner is finished?" And just like that, she set off in search of her brother.

I stood there stunned. Is that it? No questions? Just like that, she gets it? That seems way too easy.

Unbeknownst to her, my daughter had taught me more about parenting in those five minutes than any cheesy parenting book ever did. She had shown me that our children can learn anything you want them to learn. Parents have the colossal responsibility of raising the next generation, and the opportunity to raise a generation of thoughtful, open-minded, and tolerant people.

I had the fear that countless other parents experience when it comes to talking to our children about sex and sexuality. How young is too young? When is it okay to start discussing these issues?

The truth is that your children are never too young for open and honest communication. An honest answer to a question will always be appropriate. We can take the opportunities that present themselves. We can show our kids that the world is a diverse place, a place where Jack can marry Jack and Jill can marry Jane. We can set the stage for a world where people are both allowed and entitled to be whoever it is that they want to be.

In the wake of countless tragic suicides of young gay teens – victims of peer bullying – now is certainly the time to pull together and talk to our children. Let’s take the opportunity to teach acceptance to our children, rather than teaching them that homosexuality is bad or avoiding the topic of sex and sexuality altogether.

This guest post was submitted by Ana M. Saskowski. Ana is a full-time mom and part-time student living in Sylvan Lake. Her AIDS Calgary Core Training attendance had a profound impact on her life and prompted her submissions to The A Word.

From Top to Bottom: A Gay Man’s Choice?

More often than not I have found that gay sex and its mechanics is a topic of curiosity for people—even for gay men. One of the most commonly asked questions are “how do you know if you like to just take it, or receive it?” The simple answer is to try both, and hopefully one will work out for you.

The more complex answer is that a person may not want to just take on one role; they may very well enjoy both. Whether or not a gay man “takes or receives it” is “fucked or fucker” is entirely dependent on the individual. Some prefer to be a “top” (penetrator), as the role of “bottom” (receiver) may not be pleasurable for several reasons: it could be painful as a man’s G-spot (the prostate) may not be adequately stimulated to provoke pleasure; a person may not like their anus being “prepared” for anal sex (i.e. having a lubed finger in their asshole to loosen up the sphincter); and some people feel overtly feminized if penetrated, preferring the more “manly,” empowering role of a top.

However, a lot of gay men are versatile, that is they enjoy being both a top and bottom while engaging in anal sex. Again, there are several factors at work when a gay man is deciding which role he chooses to perform if he is versatile. Although he may enjoy both roles he may play one repeatedly depending on his relationship. For instance, he may be in a relationship where his partner is strictly a top or strictly a bottom, and thus assumes the role opposite to his partner despite enjoying both. He may also choose his position based on how he feels during the moment—perhaps he hasn’t been a top for a while and wants to for this particular sexual escapade?

When someone identifies as being a versatile gay man it doesn’t mean they split their sexual encounters into 50% top and 50% bottom; they may not bottom for years and then decide one day that they want to. It doesn’t mean that they never enjoyed it until that moment but rather, they may have just been comfortable “topping.”

Gay sex is not complex unless you choose to make it so. And there are no rules or formalities. In fact the terms top and bottom can be applied to heterosexuals who ask me the majority of these questions—yes, some guys in heterosexual relationships like their female partner to put on a strap-on and fuck them! Choose what position you want and don’t be shy to switch it up if you have never tried one or the other. You don’t have to be exclusively in one role because of your partner or because you feel like you are being feminized.

No matter what, take it like a man, but make sure to give it like one too!


This is a guest post by Howard Fruitman. Mr. Fruitman was formerly the HEAT worker, doing gay men's outreach, at AIDS Calgary and now works for an AIDS Service Organization based in Ontario.

Do You Have What it Takes?

For the past year AIDS Calgary has been working as a member of the Steering Committee for the “Do you have what it takes?” national sexual health campaign, for gay men, bisexual men and men who have sex with men (MSM). Sero Zero, an AIDS Service Organization in Montreal, has been the lead agency in this campaign and has brought together the 8 members of the Steering Committee. The 2009 campaign builds on the successes of the past 2 national campaigns; Assumptions and Gay Men Play Safe.

“To reinforce these previous messages of prevention, the present campaign continues to disseminate information that will enable men who have sex with other men to identify their own areas (factors) of vulnerability that may lead them to sexual risk taking. A resolutely playful, sexy, and provocative tone gives a particular color to Do you have what it takes?—a new campaign based on data and observations gathered by community groups as well as on data from social research.” Source: http://www.what-it-takes.org/en/campaign.html

The campaign works to assist gay men/MSM in understanding different areas of vulnerabilities and options to reduce HIV/STI transmission, while still maintaining a healthy and satisfying sex life. The campaign materials utilize the slogan “Sex, Passion, Romance, Adventure... Do you have what it takes?” with fun and provocative visuals that encourage people to visit the website for an interactive experience. The materials include posters, condom pack inserts, table top displays with post cards, Youtube video, computer wall paper, website and interactive self assessment quiz. The website based quiz allows individuals to identify potential areas of vulnerability and provides specific strategies to reduce risk. In some regions, the campaign will be complimented by offering a sensual risk reduction workshop series, for gay men/MSM, based on the Pheonix Project.

AIDS Calgary has benefited tremendously from being a part of this campaign process as it has allowed us to contribute a local perspective to this national campaign. We would not have the resources to do such a large scale and interactive campaign alone. We will integrate the campaign concepts and materials into our ongoing outreach via the HEAT Program. The HEAT Program has been a longstanding service of AIDS Calgary. HEAT (HIV Education and Awareness Today) - is a program designed to address HIV/STI education, awareness and prevention for gay men/MSM. The program provides HIV/STI education, support and health promotion, and free safer sex supplies, through outreach at GLBT events, venues, and online.

We encourage you to visit the website http://www.what-it-takes.org/en/campaign.html take the quiz, watch the fun video, review the information and find out What it takes, for you!

Resources:
HEAT Program
HEAT Facebook Profile: “Heat Worker”
Do you have what it takes? Website
Do you have what it takes? Quiz
Youtube Video
Pheonix Project