Thinking outside the 'box'

First off, let’s get one thing ‘straight’ – the porn industry has done a horrendous job of portraying lesbian sex, and as a result the general public is misinformed, under-educated and very confused regarding lesbian sex. One thing’s for certain, lesbian lovemaking might just be the most misunderstood type of sex.

By its very definition, lesbian sex involves females interacting in a sexual manner with other women. However, ‘lesbian porn’ is ‘scripted’ and packaged for a male audience, resulting in two very ‘straight’ women acting ‘gay’ to fulfill a male viewer’s idea of “girl-on-girl action.” As one example, the length of the actress’s acrylic-tipped finger nails says more than enough and all I have to say is, ‘ouch!’

In lesbian porn, this misinformation is fueled by the need to reassure the guy at home that he still matters, rather than acknowledging the (unsettling) fact that a girl can get off without a man. Furthermore, this teaches bi-curious females that it is another way to pleasure a man versus seeking pleasure for herself. Mainstream porn lacks the intensity, lust and passion that makes lesbian sex fantastic.

Without creating another version of ‘lesbian sex for dummies,’ I feel the next best thing would be discussing the pleasures of female sexuality expressed through the experiences of intimate women. Sex with my partner is not about penetration (in its many forms) or the number of orgasms that ensue. Lovemaking is a game played within the mind, built on trust, respect and mutual attraction. I think the most integral point to be made about lesbian sex is the integration of the mind, body and soul.

I have found that the most essential element of lesbian sex is the connection shared between two women, being present with and being aware of her desires. Receptivity to touch is anything but passive; it’s energetic in quality; it isn't necessarily about who's doing what to whom. I have found during a sexual act that my lover communicates in many ways, and it’s my job to pay attention to these cues.

Sharing in an intimate act with another woman opens these receptors and brings lovemaking to a whole new level. While engaged with another woman it is important to listen for her physical and audible responses, which will speak to you through pulsations, temperature changes, contractions, and the beautiful release of fluids.

Lesbian sex is an exploration of self, in knowing your own body and desires you will find the right pressure, speed nd sequence that can be shared with another woman. Take your time. Touch her all over. Undress her slowly; appreciate every newly exposed piece of flesh. Kiss her ears, touch her breasts. Nibble her neck. Caress her belly, her inner thighs. Kiss behind her knees. Knead her bum. Slowly suck on her fingers. Get naked and lay your body on top of hers.

There’s so much fun to be had in the bedroom with another woman, penetration and orgasm is only an effect, not the cause.

This guest post was submitted by Charleen McPhail.