It was a warm spring day, which meant I would have much rather have been outside drinking beer on a patio than in a stuffy, dimly lit classroom. With my laptop open to distract myself from the lesson, I chatted with my friend Sean* over IM. I’ve been friends with Sean since I moved to Calgary at the age of 13. Sean told me he had something he needed to tell me, but that I had to promise not to freak out. With his tendency to embellish, I assumed he was just trying to build up to a story about a new boy-crush or something. I assured him I wouldn’t repeat his secret to anyone and that he could tell me anything.
“I’m HIV-positive,” he said.
I stared at the screen. I re-read the message a few times to make sure that what I saw was indeed what he had said. I don’t know what I said in reply, other than a string of frantic messages asking if he was okay and what he was going to do. Once the white noise in my head cleared I realized that I was going to cry, excused myself from class and went home to continue the conversation with him.
At the time, I couldn’t believe how calm he was about his situation. When I told him that I was upset and afraid for him, he just laughed. He told me that he was okay and not to worry, but my mind wouldn’t process this. All I knew was that I was going to lose my friend.
Even though I considered myself fairly well educated on sexual health at the time, I now know that there was much about HIV I didn’t take into consideration. For instance, that it’s no longer necessarily a death sentence.
It’s been two years since Sean’s diagnosis, and I’m happy to report that his life has actually improved a great deal since. He is on medication , visiting his doctor regularly and seeing a counselor for his long-term struggle with depression. He is working at a steady and modest job, and no longer uses chemical drugs or drinks heavily. He gets out with friends more often, and actually went bungee jumping recently – which astounds me, as he was always so shy and timid. Although there are still low points, Sean seems to be the happiest that I’ve ever seen him.
I never once judged Sean based on his status and I can only imagine the amount of courage it took for him to disclose. And while my initial reaction was probably not ideal, it was simply out of concern for his well-being. I still continue to view him as a dear friend and wonderful human being.
After finding out about Sean, I decided to get tested for HIV at my annual pap test that was soon due. I was 20 years old at the time, and had never had one. Although the nurse assured me that based on my history I was low-risk, I still felt it was a good idea – if for nothing else, I wanted to at least do it for the peace of mind.
I am HIV-negative. Sean is HIV-positive. We’re friends, and I still love him just as much as I ever did. My hopes are that if a friend confides in you with an HIV-positive status, that it won’t affect your feelings for them either – they are still your friend and they may need your support.
*Name has been changed
This was a guest post was submitted to The A Word. To submit a post for consideration, please contact us at newsletter@aidscalgary.org.
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